I often say in a joking way one of my truths, that my mother taught us that if you were less than five minutes early for a thing, you were late. And if you said you’d leave by a certain time, you needed to be out the door. This is how she raised us, and to this day I really struggle with letting go of punctuality and timeliness.
This came up in two ways this morning; the first was realizing that we were not going to start the worship portion of my clergy chapter meeting at the top of the hour, as I anticipated. I found myself anxious about the late start, and as a result, it took me a minute to be present to the opening song I was leading.
The second was the nagging sensation that I had not posted here yet. I’ve done my best over these last 22 months to let you know if I was taking a week off, and making sure something got posted by 10am on the scheduled day. I do this in part because I’ve made a commitment to subscribers, but also because I do like regularity and timeliness. And if I meet that time commitment, I’m not breaking any of the rules drilled into me by Mom.
Anyway, my intention all morning has been to write the moment I got home, and apologize, and let go of it eventually (and by eventually I mean hopefully by the weekend because that’s how anxiety works).
But as I found myself in the inevitable slowdown on the Capital Beltway near Bethesda, I remembered other times when punctuality and timeliness has felt too restrictive and stubborn. I remembered how punctuality connects to the hallmarks of the culture of white supremacy - an intentional set of rules and expectations meant to control.
And then I remembered the myriad times that I have encouraged people to let go of their sense of punctuality and control of time when it comes to worship - “spirit takes the time it takes” I say all the time, especially when a service runs a bit long, or a story/meditation/joys and concerns/song takes more time than expected to be fully heard, seen, and felt. I bristle at the people who watch the clock, and I know there are folks amongst us who will leave at the top of the hour whether the service is done or not.
What I remembered as we crawled at about 25 mph is that there are conditions and contexts where timeliness matters, and watching time to respect others matters. And then there are contexts in which the only one bothered by something taking longer is me, because I’m the one who set the parameters and guess what - I can break them.
So this post, to Me from This Morning, is late.
But in actuality, it’s right on time.
Imagine if we could convince others of that in our congregations - that maybe we should be a little more gracious with each other about time. Because honestly, we all need the time we need.
This past Sunday, I found myself anxious for the service to start. At 10:30 a couple of people were still walking in from the parking lot. I wanted the Lay Leader to begin, because it was 10:30, darn it! But then I looked at her, and her face and body were relaxed as she calmly waited for two more participants to arrive. I decided to take a couple of deep breaths, center myself, and let go of my impatience. For me, that's progress. On the flip side, it never bothers me for the service to take as long as it takes. I'm there for the experience.
Love this. I have anxiety issues around lateness also due to my family of origin. This is spot on. And if it matters--it came at the perfect time for me today, when I didn't have the morning rush of e-mails to get through.