The Person in the Pulpit

I can’t believe I still have to say this to Unitarian Universalists in 2023

I write this having returned from yet another conversation with a brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude, a minister who is knowledgeable, kind, creative, excited about our faith, committed to the work of justice and belonging. A minister that a congregation called because you wanted a fresh voice in your pulpit.

The conversation I just had is like every conversation I have with brilliant (well educated, sharp, creative thinkers), young (oddly, under 45 is young in this instance), queer (perhaps sexual orientation, but often just willing to ‘queer’ the faith through radical inclusion) ministers who are not a dude (meaning they are cis-female, non-binary or trans).

Every conversation with a brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude is filled with concerns of being worn down, worn out, and in some cases being actively undermined.

By some of the very same people who called them to their current settlements as your ministers.

“Oh, not us!” they exclaim. “We love our brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude! We think they go too fast sometimes or don’t understand us or want to change too much or preach too much about justice or are too bold in our community or don’t do things exactly as we’d like… but we love them!”

Um… that’s not love.

When they talk over coffee or at the diner or after a meeting in the parking lot about how your brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude doesn’t fit in or do the things they like… that’s where the trouble begins.

Because someone decides the opinion of the three people they talked to is an appropriate sample size and that everyone must feel this way, and so the concern trolling begins. “People are saying…” is usually how it starts.

And when the brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude pushes back, or doesn’t do what “people are saying” – then a few people decide that the brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude is the problem.

And what do we do with a problem in the church?

Wait…. what’s that you say? Did you actually say we address it with open discussion, compassion, and care? Did you actually say you follow protocols to speak directly to the person you have a problem with?

Pardon me a moment.

Okay, I’m back.

Beloveds, most people in congregations just don’t do that. Well, hardly ever. Especially when it comes to a problem folks have with your brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude.

Instead, they triangulate, they write more concern troll emails, they build coalitions, they decide that minor issues (and seriously, announcements in worship is a minor issue - have you listened to the news lately?) are massive and will kill the congregation, they refuse to be self-reflective, they see themselves as hero or victim, but never the wrong-doer.

In essence, they gaslight the brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude, who is trained to be self-reflective, to turn to wonder when things go awry, to accept responsibility, to seek repair and reconciliation, to know what is theirs to deal with and what isn’t.

And who also has been trying for months/years to teach you all the same things.

What do you think all those services about covenant are about?

Now I am aware that sometimes folks do this to brilliant, older ministers who may or may not be dudes too. And sometimes folks do this to other religious professionals who might be brilliant, young, queer, and/or not a dude. And I am aware that sometimes the minister or other religious professional really is causing some issues.

But HOLY CRAP ON A CRACKER, folks, Unitarian Universalists do like to turn on brilliant, young, queer ministers who are not a dude.

Is it because they’re young? Guess what – you were young once too. And sure, you all remember the first time your doctor was younger than you, or when you stopped being carded at the liquor store. Yes, your minister is likely to be younger than you – we have a huge number of great Millennial ministers eager to serve.

Is it because they’re queer? And again, by queer, I mean not just sexual orientation but in attitude as well – openly willing to ‘queer’, or question our faith in order to build it better, promoting radical inclusion in order to build beloved community, taking our affirmation of inherent worth and dignity to its logical conclusion. Guess what – this is the faith you signed up for, always growing, always on the move to something better, moving forward and never turning back.

Is it because they’re not a dude? That’s just plain old misogyny right there. And sure, most of you are feminists, and maybe you had a woman minister before, but those old messages run really deep – especially when paired with young and queer.

And look. Something happened when women became the majority of ministers – the role changed from a learned profession to a helping profession. This is why you expect your brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude to be soft and compliant, to be attending to pastoral care non-stop (and still do governance and staff supervision and teaching and produce inspiring sermons and be in the public square and do the dishes).

Oh, and you also expect them to be perfect raisers of their children and keep a beautiful home. You do realize that when women became ministers, they didn’t suddenly change roles so that their spouse stayed home to be ‘the minister’s wife’, right? First of all, you don’t pay your brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude enough for that to happen. Second, that’s some really outdated stereotyping there.

Your brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude is asking you to do what you should have always done – Share The Ministry. Respect boundaries. Be self-reflective. Consider your role in problems, speak directly, offer repentance and seek repair. Be open to new ideas. Work for justice. Be kind.

And for the love of all that is holy, STOP TRYING TO PUSH OUT YOUR BRILLIANT, YOUNG, QUEER MINISTER WHO IS NOT A DUDE. That’s how you get a reputation for being an unhealthy congregation.

And if you’re in search this year, and are considering the brilliant, young, queer minister who is not a dude, make sure you’re doing the work with the rest of the congregation to ensure this does not happen again.

Don’t be a clergy killer. Be a clergy nurturer.