Strong and Savvy

Ooo, scary.

Back in the early 2000s, I worked for an aerospace engineering firm as a technical writer. It was intense work, especially post 9/11, but it was good work. And while I am no where near an engineer, I learned how to read blueprints and understand mechanical processes enough to write maintenance manuals. Of course, there were times when the prints or processes were unclear, and I would have to go down to speak to one of the guys (because they were all guys) to get enough information to continue my work.

I thought things were going well, until my performance review.

“You scare the boys in engineering.”

In other words, because I was confident, and eager to get answers, and utterly disinterested in flirting to get what I needed, I scared them. Of course, I didn’t do anything differently than my fellow tech writers, all of whom were men. But it was me. I scared the boys in engineering. And by boys, I mean grown-ass men with often multiple degrees and years of experience in the field. I, a woman in her 30s with less experience and a humanities degree from a women’s college, scared the boys in engineering.

I wish that wasn’t the only place I have seen grown-ass men be ‘scared’ of women.

I guess I expect it in politics - women have to be savvy and strong to get ahead in politics, and misogyny is alive and well among men too enmeshed in that way of understanding gender. And so they may not like one candidate, but they cannot imagine voting for a woman. Because women with power scares them.

I expect it less in our congregations (and by ‘our’ I mean the liberal and progressive faith communities). Yet I see it emerge all too often - subtly, but distinctly. There are people (not just grown-ass men but women too) who get freaked out by the strong and savvy ministry of a female-bodied minister, yet praise the same kind of ministry from a male-bodied minister. I’ve written about this before, but it’s true that in Unitarian Universalism’s clergy roster became filled with more women than men, the expectations changed; gone was the learned pastor strolling thoughtfully through the village (yes, we’re all suddenly in the Cotswolds in my imagination) and present was the pastor who was expected to be visiting every member every month AND being in the office to receive anyone who might drop by. Gone was the two-for-the-price-of-one pastor and pastor’s wife, who could do all the things, and present was the double-income-with-kids pastor, or the single-mom-pastor who had to draw boundaries.

And the female-bodied pastor who holds those boundaries and for whom maybe pastoral care isn’t there strong suit but prophetic witness and governance is? Well, they scare the boys in the pews. In 2024.

I’ve not heard anyone say it that plainly, of course. But I hear it that way, as clearly as I hear that performance review from 22 years ago.

I wish I was surprised.

We still have work to do. So much work to do.

Maybe we start by voting for a strong and savvy woman to lead our nation and model for us how not very scary but very much needed it actually is.

Oh, and maybe some of those grown-ass men will grow up.