I have been looking at my too long list of possible topics and realized a bunch of them are still in the list because there’s not enough ‘there’ there to warrant a full post. So here goes:
If you (or someone near you) is holding on so tightly to something they do in the congregation - a thing that needs to be shared or perhaps let go of, consider that it’s not just nostalgia or stubbornness, but rather ego. Perhaps the person (who could be you) gets an ego boost from it, and without it, life could be sadder or harder. It might mean letting go of the idea of letting go, or finding another self-fulfilling task, or honoring that which was in a way that leaves that person with pride and satisfaction.
Tip: If you’re whispering negative comments in the same physical space as the target of your negative comments, they can hear you. And even more so when you’re whispering from the pews or the choir loft about the person in the pulpit. Yes. They can hear you.
In one of my January classes, our professor, Canon Jan Taylor Cope, was talking about the struggles of congregational life at the National Cathedral, where she is provost. Turns out that no matter how big you are, a lot of the problems are (a) the same and (b) as difficult to manage because of resources, or time, or personal, or some combination of them. So don’t blame problems on being too big or too small - we’re all facing it.
Speaking of scalability: no one congregation can do all the things. It’s better to focus on what you do best and find partners who do other things best, and develop those relationships.
Congregational leaders: I know you long to evaluate your religious professionals, but please remember that congregations aren’t for-profit corporations and congregations are about relationships, not the bottom line. Consider ways to evaluate that are relational, centered on professional and personal growth, and in line with your mission.
For the record: those leading worship in your congregation are trying to strike a balance between calling you to action, offering solace and comfort, and finding hope. They don’t always get it right, but they’re trying. Remember: not every service will contain all that you need, so look at the bigger picture of what’s being offered over time.
Spiritual experience is emotional experience.
Occasionally I get a comment or email from someone who’s angry with me or feels called out. I get it - it can get uncomfortable. But I invite you (as Quaker author Parker Palmer writes) to turn to wonder and ask yourself, ‘why am I uncomfortable (or angry or anxious or upset) about what Kimberley wrote?’ My intention here always is to name a thing and then try to call you in and try to offer some guidance - but I cannot possibly hold everyone’s hand and make sure everyone still feels good. That’s not what I’m doing here; if I tried to do it, this Substack just wouldn’t work.
Final thought: I watched the film Conclave (about the choosing of a new pope) a couple of weeks ago, and I can’t get this line of dialogue out of my head: “The church is not tradition. The church is not the past. The church is what we do next.”
Have a good week - and if you’re a springtime allergy sufferer, may you have plenty of allergy meds, eye drops, and Kleenex. (Achoo!)
Thank you for several observations and nuggets of wisdom on a variety of topics!
Re: bullet 5.... this is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. Where it lands in my head currently is that in congregations, we're not measured by the number of check marks on our to-do list but by considering who was there when the list was made, who helped check the boxes, and who remained or appeared at the end of or as the result of the process. It's not the boxes, it's the people!