A few months ago, I saw this assertion: “Only the guy who isn’t rowing has time to rock the boat.”
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, as I encounter example after example of people in our congregations who seem to think their only role is to rock the boat. I’m talking about the guy who remains a member just so he can bitch about the budget at the annual meeting. I’m talking about the woman who observes from the back pew and almost weekly complains about changes to the order of service. I’m talking about the person who brings up policy issues long since resolved by the board. I’m talking about the endless fight over words that, in the end, mean pretty much the same thing.
None of those people, mind you, are on the board or committees or teams. Some of them aren’t even seen except once or twice a year.
Some, of course, are doing it because they are struggling with change (a topic we’ve talked about here before). But I think some of them are doing it because we have lionized the role of devil’s advocate. Somehow, rocking the boat/stirring the pot/advocating for the opposition as become a glorious position to take, and is intended to be seen as dropping in wisdom, shaking up the status quo, telling it like it is.
But honestly. This kind of rocking/stirring/advocating in our congregations does little more than annoy and stall and take up time that could be better spent doing almost anything else.
And it distracts from the real kind of rocking the boat/stirring the pot/advocating that we need to be doing in our work toward justice, equity, and liberation. If you’re not rocking the boat for an end to discrimination, poverty, oppression - why are you even in the boat?
Meanwhile, if the things the congregation does (worship, budgeting, governance, covenanting) really bother you, ask yourself why. Turn to wonder about what is actually causing that reaction. And honestly, if you can’t be part of the congregation without being angry - then ask yourself why you are part of the congregation at all. Surely there are more positive things you can do with your time than stick around and poke at the people who are trying to do good, faithful work.
In other words, pick up an oar or get out of the boat.
Thanks for this, Kimberley. UU culture does often lionize the gadfly, and this often true in other faith groups as well. One question I find helpful is, "What employer has the strongest influence on people's ideas about how to behave in organizations?" If the answer is a nearby college or university, many people have learned criticizing, in and of itself, constitutes a valuable contribution. Congregations (UU or not) where the trend-setting occupation is manufacturing, primary and secondary teaching, or the arts value criticism too, but are more apt to require it to be coupled with constructive engagement.
Great piece. I've been a UU for about 20 years, and have seen the dynamic you are referring to many times and agree that "rocking the boat" without rowing, steering, bailing etc. distracts from the congregation's mission (btw, I'm in the Ann Arbor church and have really enjoyed and appreciated your ministry during Manish's sabbatical). That said, I do think at times clear communication can alleviate some disgruntlement or at least make the disgruntled feel heard. When I was a new UU (new U?) our congregation got rid of "joys and sorrows"and the greeting without notice. As someone just getting to know folks I found those rituals to be a way to feel connected and missed them. When I had chance to talk to our interim minister about my reaction she explained the rationale and how it fit into a different vision for service. I still missed them, but also recognized that it wasn't a random change.