A couple of conversations yesterday led me to pondering last night and this morning about how we make conditions favorable for belonging.
As faithful readers know, I’ve been thinking and talking a lot about Brené Brown’s comment that ‘the opposite of belonging is fitting in’ and how congregations must consider what their actual approach is. We want people to belong, but we know the stories of people who felt like outsiders - felt like they could never measure up - felt like they had to change who they are - felt like they never really understood what was happening.
My pondering last night led me to thinking about our spaces. One of the conversations yesterday was about the many signs and symbols that greet people coming in, being signifiers that they are welcome. And yes, having the rainbow flag and a Black Lives Matter banner and other signs of welcome are important.
But then I thought about how so many congregations have lobbies that are overfilled with the signs and symbols and pamphlets and all the things we want newcomers to see. And I realized how overstimulating that could be for some of our neurodivergent folks. Is that, indeed, welcoming? Does that actually tell of belonging?
And then I thought about how many congregations don’t include hearing devices, or own braille versions of the hymnal, or make sure spaces are accessible with ramps and lifts, or provide quieter conversations spaces at coffee hour, or ensure bathrooms are both accessible and gender neutral (with changing tables), or provide wiggle rooms and private spaces for the care and feeding of our youngest, or even nursery care. (There’s a separate post coming about the chicken-and-the-egg quandary around families and religious education - for another day.)
And how many of those congregations that do provide those things did it only at the request of someone who’s come in and notices they can’t fully participate?
Are we making accommodations only when someone needs them, or are we making our spaces as accommodating as possible for when someone needs them?
Because here’s the thing: if someone has a particular need and it’s not clear those needs can be met, they are not coming back.
Yes, some of these things can be expensive, and they take time, money, and planning - things you may be short of. And so much of what we’re talking about is not that expensive; creating spaces that help others often just means assigning that space and preparing it properly. And then offering easy to find information that these spaces and accommodations exist.
If you want people to feel welcomed, to feel like they belong, to feel like there is a them-sized space just waiting for them, then preparing your space for who might show up is worth it.
You can find more information and resources about accessibility in our congregations from eqUUal Access. I also recommend the book Loving Our Own Bones: Disability Wisdom and the Spiritual Subversiveness of Knowing Ourselves Whole, by 2024 Ware Lecturer Julia Watts Belser.
this is the Pre-emptive Radical Inclusion that CB Beal speaks/writes/teaches about. We've been making small adjustments around the congregation where I serve, and regulars sort of grumbled for a while at the changes. Then we had a BIG EVENT that brought lots of visitors with many different needs, and suddenly, we had space for those folks already prepared and it all made sense. They're not muttering any more, now that they see how important it was for those spaces to be ready when people needed them.