Postponing the inevitable
when avoidance backfires
A few months ago on The Rest Is Entertainment podcast, a casual comment erupted in a significant and now-recurring talking point: how do you organize your bookshelves?
The long and short of the issue (if you don’t watch this clip) is that co-host Marina Hyde organizes her bookshelves very differently from her husband - who at that moment had control over the organization, thus driving Marina to, well, rant and rave on the podcast with co-host Richard Osman. This of course sparked debate among fans, some of whom prefer the theme method over alphabetical, or by color, or by height, etc.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago - Marina and her family are moving into a new house. The process is a bit slow, with some remodeling and painting being done along the way. Richard asked her who got to organize the books… Marina said the bookshelves aren’t ready to be loaded up yet, but there are several stacks of books more or less in front of the shelves but also causing an obstruction in traffic flow, and it hasn’t been decided who will sort and organize… they’ve kicked that can down the road until the shelves are ready.
She said of this obstacle, “it is a physical manifestation of a future argument.”
Guess who I thought of.
Yes, my chalice-holding friends, it’s our congregations.
How many ideas and projects do we kick down the road to avoid controversy? How many honest conversations do we avoid because they’ll be too hard? And how many temporary solutions do we put in place to keep arguments to a minimum…many of which become the permanent solution?
And how many times do those things circle around to kick us in the butt?
If you said ‘always’, give yourself a gold star. And if you said ‘not always’, the future argument hasn’t happened yet. Give it time… give it time.
And here’s the thing: Marina knows that the argument she and her husband will have will be about the books. But we don’t often know exactly what the argument or crisis will be that was caused by what was left undone or half-done. These things fester - and what was about a temporary fix to a process is now a major fight over governance. Or what we decided to just put up with from the kitchen crew now explodes over the entire budget. Or the griefwork we didn’t have time for is no manifesting in harmful mistrust of one another.
What is the physical/symbolic manifestation of the future argument in your system? We often say that when an issue that seems small blows up, the issue isn’t the issue, that there’s something else going on. What’s blowing up? And what might be the root cause?
And more, what can you do to (a) address old issues and (b) what do you need to put into place to prevent new ones from becoming “physical manifestations of a future argument”?
Hint: it will take a lot of work and a lot of love to navigate.
That’s it for me for a couple of weeks - I have two weeks of classes in pursuit of my D.Min. I’m looking forward to one of the classes a great deal - the other, not so much, but it’s a required course and by hook or by crook I’ll get through it. Plus, I get to be back with my amazing cohort.
Be good to each other, and I’ll see you on May 28th!
Oh, yes, all the things that get put off, individual, in pairings, in congregations, because they seem too difficult, too controversial, have no hope of being resolved, fear of change, power plays, not the right time, what if, what if... The time expended in fear and doubt could be used for other things. But there is something to people not being ready. I often marvel at what confluence of energy and circumstances, conditions makes for something to happen, for what brings about creation. I haven't figured it out, don't know that I will. It takes something unpredictable, whether a divine spark, a dire need, an urgency, or the clock being at the right time twice in 24 hours. One can do one's homework, brainstorm, listen to music or someone's idea, be open to possibility, dream alongside the cat...When it happens, it happens but may still not seem to be happening, in need of further enfolding, trying again. I once arranged my books at work by the color spectrum. The visuals were beautiful, but that system didn't much help anyone else trying to find anything, and sometimes not even myself. Inspiration, collaboration, going with the flow. I still don't know but keep trying to be aware, open, flexible, listen, be willing to go out on a limb...