Over My Head

I hear music in the air

(Primarily Unitarian Universalist content today - although non-UU readers might still be interested in my story.)

My entree into the religious professional life was as the choir director and music coordinator for my home congregation.

In 2004, I came to UU Saratoga after moving back to New York State from North Carolina, where I had experienced a toxic workplace that led to a major depressive episode. I was healing but still very much broken, and going home to family was the best choice for me. And because I knew I wouldn’t properly heal unless I found community outside my family, I contacted a nearby UU minister, Rev. Linda Hoddy, and her compassion, care, and encouragement led me to share my love (and training) in music. She noted that they didn’t have anyone to conduct a choir but wondered if I could maybe lead a small ensemble for Christmas eve. I said yes, and my first service there included a loving introduction by Linda, followed by a huge round of applause.

Over those next few months we became a choir - not just for Christmas eve, but for the congregation. Now to be clear, I was not paid - this was a volunteer position. But I felt like I was moving toward something for the first time in years.

I soon learned about a professional organization, then called the Unitarian Universalist Musicians Network (UUMN), and that they held an annual conference - that coming summer it would be in Colorado (I’m 99% sure it was Boulder but it may have been Denver?). I joined the UUMN and made plans to attend the conference.

Now those who know me know I’m rather a social butterfly, and there’s little I like more than an opening reception, where I get to talk to a lot of people and make connections.

Except when I don’t know anyone.

My goodness, that’s a hard moment.

But I breathed in deep, walked into the room, found a beverage, and was greeted by musicians Sarah Dan Jones and Susan Peck - who instantly welcomed me, who didn’t care that I was new, who didn’t care that I wasn’t a paid professional, who just saw someone new and welcomed them in.

By the next day - after opening worship and some workshops and more conversations - I realized that the heart of our faith was in that space, amongst our musicians. And at the time - 2005 - I had only met other UUs at my congregation, at a leadership workshop, and at District Assembly - not a big circle. But still, I was overwhelmed with the spirit that music evoked, and the heart that they showed each other - and showed me. It is there that I understood that we sing our theology, our voices are the ways we express our spirit, and that the people in the room were on the leading edge of our living tradition.

It was also there I learned about a brand new credentialling program for music leaders, and I was invited into that first class. I still wasn’t paid at UU Saratoga, but I felt like a professional and that there was something here for me - some way for me to grow and to give back to the faith that saved me.

I went for a couple of years, but stopped going when I faced two years of extreme back pain and several surgeries. I withdrew from the credentialling process, and withdrew from music leadership altogether.

Fast forward to last spring - through the healing, through the discernment, and seminary, and ordination, and active ministry, the Hymn by Hymn project, and several summers spent at SUUSI - and I decided it was time to dip my toes back into that stream that felt like love and spoke so deeply to my soul.

Somewhere along the way, UUMN decided to become less a network and more an a professional organization, and they changed their name to the Association of UU Music Ministries (AUUMM). Their offerings have grown, the music credentialling program is thriving, and they still hold annual conferences.

And even those have grown, with tracks for music professionals, worship leaders, songleaders, and now bands.

And still, I walked into the opening worship/reception in Albuquerque with a bit of trepidation. Would people remember me? Would I be welcome now that I’m a minister, and after so long away?

The answer is a resounding yes - I saw people I hadn’t seen in 18 years (along with people I see every year at General Assembly and some I see all the time). I made new friends. I made new connections. And by golly, the heart is still there, beating strong and with amazing harmonies.

I also got to watch as new folks came to the conference for the first time and discover what I learned (and re-learned) about welcome, belonging, love, commitment, and spirit. (Also, the battle of the bands was one of the most joyful events of the week.) It didn’t matter if you were a music director, or an accompanist, or a choral singer, or an instrumentalist, or a religious educator, or a minister. All were welcomed into this amazing space.

So why am I taking a break from the snark to tell you this story?

Because this year’s AUUMM conference is happening in Atlanta (July 23-27) and prices go up April 30, and I don’t want you to miss out!

Whatever your role - your talents and curiosity are welcome. And more than ever, we need the songs and inspiration that helps us put love at the center and gives us tools to meet the moment. And if all you’re seeking is hope, healing, and a balm for your world-worn soul, that’s here too.

I always say that this faith saved me. And it was in large part because of our music and this incredible body of people committed to our music, our spirits, and our faith.