It's all too much

and it's coming out sideways

I just spent about an hour alternating between reading (and re-reading) my long list of topics to cover – and staring at the empty page, my fingers poised over the keyboard in anticipation of words magically appearing.

And all I can think about is how hard Monday was.

Nothing in particular happened Monday; it started as it often does lately with a too short night of sleep and a too early awakening, which meant pretending that scrolling through the news and social media still counted as rest. I didn’t read about anything I hadn’t clocked over the weekend, but for some reason, early Monday morning, it became all too much. Anxiety set in. Panic made it hard to drive to the restaurant where I was to have a late breakfast with two deeply beloved friends. And while breakfast was great and I forgot the doom for a while, it set in again like a heavy gray cloud as I drove off to spend the rest of the day alone.

By the time I got settled into the rest of my day off, I felt achy and exhausted and overwhelmed. I canceled a call with another beloved friend. I ate poorly. My cats tag-teamed cuddling with me, as though I was sick (it’s adorable most of the time but weirdly annoying that day). I ignored the TV I’d put on as a distraction, realizing at some point that Netflix wanted to know if I was still there.

I wasn’t.

I went to bed early but didn’t sleep, instead playing mindless games on my phone. Yet another beloved friend texted me, and somehow helped me relieve the anxiety enough that I was able to sleep.

The next day I was better, but during my delightful lunch meeting with my board president, we talked about a number of odd behaviors and comments from congregants. We didn’t wonder why at the time (I suppose we knew), but later, on the way home, I realized that these otherwise loving, kind, and committed people were probably having days like my Monday. Days when it is all too much.

I noticed too other colleagues commenting on social media about uncharacteristic behaviors, unkind words, prickliness, etc., both from our people and from each other.

And that’s a very long way for me to say that we are feeling the disaster that is the past (is it only) 15 days.

We are feeling it hard. We are feeling it at different times, in different measure.

Some days we hold it together, some days we have energy and motivation to do something, some days we can hold others’ anxieties, some days still contain joy and focus.

And some days we are the ones falling apart.

There’s no snark here today, because despite all the regular Congregational Shenanigans™ that have and will continue, these last 15 (yes, just 15) are rough, and they are hitting different. They are the shenanigans of people hurting, people frightened, people panicking, people hitting their limit.

I know. On Monday I was one of them.

What I will offer is a little advice, inspired by a post by sociologist Jennifer Walter a few weeks ago:

1. Set boundaries: Pick two-three key issues you deeply care about and focus your attention there. You can't track everything - that's by design. Impact comes from sustained focus, not scattered awareness.

2. Step down media intake – watching news too much? Listen. Listening too much? Read. Direct reports too much? Rely on the aggregators and experts. Use aggregators & experts: Find trusted analysts who do the heavy lifting of synthesis. Look for those explaining patterns, not just events.

3. Practice going slow: Wait 48 hours before reacting. The urgent clouds the important. Initial reporting often misses context.

4. Build community: Share the cognitive load. Different people track different issues. Network intelligence beats individual overload.

5. Attend, as possible, to a spiritual practice. And allow a lot of grace for when that doesn’t work.

6. Reach out to a friend - and answer when a friend reaches out to you. Even if all you can muster is “hi. it’s all too much.” You might commiserate, or they might be having a stronger day. Oh - and it’s still okay to not answer when it’s someone you know won’t help. (But try to get back to them when you can, especially when it’s the matriarch or your treasurer.)

7. Be as full of grace as you can muster for those who are having their ‘all too much’ days. You may not know it immediately, but you can tell what’s just typically cranky and what’s ‘all too much’ upset.

8. Remember: Feeling overwhelmed is the point. When you recognize this, you regain some power. Take breaks. Process. This is a marathon.

It’s not easy, these days.

But please hang on. We need you.